Hello all! If you have been in more than three relationships, there is a very good chance that in at least one of them you developed the feeling that you were trapped; cornered and suffocated. Obviously, this is less than ideal because most of us seek out and engage in relationships in order to feel the joy, companionship, light, and laughter that being with a fellow human being is bound to bring.
Today I will go through the signs, reasons, and solutions to feeling trapped in a relationship so read on to find out if you are indeed trapped, and if there’s something you can do about it…
SIGNS THAT YOU FEEL TRAPPED
So this may seem pretty straightforward, but just to clarify if indeed what you are feeling is trapped, here we go:
1-You are tired and unhappy;
2-All you do is give and give and give;
3-You are not yourself any more;
4-You are staying out of pity or guilt;
5-Your close friends and family notice you have changed;
6-You are looking online or elsewhere for escape as you have checked out of the relationship emotionally;
7-You are happier when far from your partner;
9-You feel as if your needs are not being met;
10-You feel like you are not getting through to your partner;
11-You feel suffocated;
12-You feel as if you are being held back by your relationship;
13-You feel undervalued and unappreciated;
14-You are constantly worrying about the relationship;
15-You have lost touch with yourself, and kind of let yourself go;
16-You keep asking yourself why you are in this relationship in the first place;
17-You cannot name two things that you like about your spouse;
18-You blow out of proportion every small thing that happens, like you are on a hairpin trigger;
19-You feel lonely and alone in the relationship, and like a single-parent instead of being a partner;
20-You feel you do not recognize the person you are with any more;
21-The communication lines are not open and you grow more distant each new day;
22-Your self-esteem is no longer existent.
Since we have the signs covered, you know you are trapped if you tick a large majority of them, and most times you may be willing to leave, but due to strict cultural norms forbidding you breaking up, financial security, or the fact that you have kids together you find yourself enduring the relationship. Unless you can find a way out, things are only bound to get worse for you if you stay on.
You may feel you have invested too much time, money, and effort to leave, or you are just plain scared of the prospect of leaving; and the fears are very real- judgement from friends, family, and society, ability to start and adapt to a new relationship, and whether you will manage on your own to name but a few. In the end, though, that is all they are-fears, and you give them power over you if you choose to stay and you are not as helpless as you may be feeling.
REASONS YOU FEEL TRAPPED
1-Your partner has cheated on you;
2-Your partner has physically and verbally assaulted you;
3-Your partner has manipulated you thoroughly;
4-You have lost your self-confidence drastically;
5-Your partner changed from the person you fell in love with initially, often for the worse;
6-You take each other for granted, and nothing is fun with them any more;
7-You are only there ‘for the kids’;
8-You are only there because of the money and nothing else;
9-Your partner threatens you not to leave, takes away your money and belongings, or even literally locks you up;
10-You have mental scars from childhood where your parents gave you too much attention and essentially suffocated you, hence you fear settling with someone lest you end up trapped once again in adulthood as in childhood;
11-You may feel you are too old to find love again.
You should know at this point that feeling trapped is more a state of mind than anything else and that the same way you asked for no one’s permission to get into the relationship, you don’t need permission to leave, and who are you even going to ask anyway, lol.
So now that we know why you may be feeling this way, let’s see if there’s any one of the solutions below that could come through for you and help you salvage your relationship; or if you should just pack your bags and go….
SOLUTIONS TO FEELING TRAPPED
1-Be objective; analyse your relationship and find out if you are feeling truly trapped, or you are just bored of routine in which case you can always spice it up instead of going extreme and pulling the plug.
2-Communicate; this one seems to solve everything, doesn’t it? Talk with your partner if they are open to it and tell them what you are truly feeling instead of engaging in otherwise harmful behavior like drugs and alcohol abuse, or even cheating. Actively talk and listen when they do; most times the solution is just sitting there waiting to be said out loud.
3-Understand that no one owes you happiness and it is only you who can make yourself happy in the long run so invest in yourself; build your autonomy, indulge in a hobby you enjoy, focus on your passions instead of the draining relationship, and as you become a brighter and better version of yourself, you will spread this to your relationship.
4-Take your problems by the horns and do not settle into denial; do not excuse bad or rude behaviors from your partner or assume that they will ‘just stop’ doing something that seriously angers or saddens you. Let them know what you like and what you do not, and have consequences in place for when the lines get crossed.
5-Set standards and have clear-cut definitions of things you will and will not accept; I have been in a relationship where my partner cheated and when I confronted him, he said he ‘thought it was ok’ as we had earlier had a conversation about having an open relationship. Of course he bent what we had said into suiting him and then claimed that it was I who had invited the action by having the conversation, as to why his silly ass didn’t follow up to know the ground rules and full story, he had nothing to say at all so don’t be like me, or like him for that matter; never leave things that could be problem in future hanging.
6-Develop your self esteem and make it indestructible, as this will build your confidence in yourself and confident is the new sexy. Do not be a pushover as you may accept and forgive things that you would never abide by, and as they eat you up inside you will become resentful and hateful and if you reflect this inwards as it is easier to do so, it multiplies and grows into terrible feelings of helplessness and entrapment yet it is you who is in control.
7-If all else fails and your partner is a serial cheat, a physical and emotional abuser and manipulator, and no solution on the sunny side of the earth can make things better between the two of you, then just do the unthinkable – and leave. You were not born yoked to anybody anyway and as such you don’t need to rot away in stress and misery because of some soulless person who has no intention or ability to treat you right.
So now, I hope you’re feeling a bit better, or at least enlightened (isn’t that the same thing though?) and that you will have the best outcome in whatever choice you make. That’s all from me today; keep it foxxy as always!!