Hello there; and welcome to this blog that has honestly been a very long time coming that I decided to title after the famous Prince’s song, ‘when doves cry’. Obviously, it’s about some pointers that your partner is a greedy mfkr* and what to do about it, if walking away (like Craig David hehe) is not an option….. Catch my last post about the happy wife happy life doctrine over here, and let’s proceed!
1- They nag the living daylights out of you
This is basically what this write up is about; you will have no peace of mind as long as they are around, and it’s a fine line between nagging and ‘constructive criticism’ which is what they try to mask their nagging as. The biggest difference is in the tone that they use; if you feel inspired to do better or try harder when they talk it’s good criticism, but if it feels like sweat slipping down your back into your butt crack on the day you wore light, bright, fitting pants, that’s nagging.
2-Whatever you do for them; whichever way you do it; it’s never right
You always picked the longer route, or you took too much time, or you spent too much money, or something else was too much or too little. There’s always a better way to do something, and this is their way – doesn’t matter they were too lazy to initiate the action, they are never too lazy to run their mouths, ‘nuf said.
3- They ALWAYS have an idea of how you could have done something better/more efficiently/more affordably/differently
Note that this is always voiced after the action in question has been done; they will wait until you are done doing whatever it was and the moment the last brick has been laid, they materialize from the fumes next to you correcting an action that has already been done and that is most of the time irreversible. Ask them why they didn’t voice their better idea before you did the deed, and the nag will turn into a fully fledged verbal fight, which i suspect is often what they had up their sleeve, so this turn for the worse for you, is in fact an advantage to them.
4- They have the nasty habit of comparing you to their mother, their father, their ex etc.
In when doves cry, there’s this lyric that goes:
“Maybe I’m just too demanding
Maybe I’m just like my father, too bold
Maybe you’re just like my mother
She’s never satisfied (She’s never satisfied)” ……… and I think it paints a rather accurate picture, so there.
It is common to hear comparative phrases that I assume piss off any level-headed human being of at least average intelligence from a selfish partner like ‘ my mother cooks this meal like this, do it the same way’ or ‘my dad fixes his own car regardless what is wrong with it, why can’t you?’ And I won’t even give the example of being compared to a damn ex, which is a red flag and a whole other blog by itself. In their minds, you will never quite fit the shoes of the person you’re being compared to, and worse, they always pick the most taxing sacrifices you make for them to bring you down over, so why even keep trying?
5-They very rarely do anything for you
Despite how often you surprise them – without asking for anything in return – yet still getting beaten up over it, they never seem to think you deserve any gifts, surprises, or random acts of kindness, and I am yet to meet anyone who does not enjoy being treated every so often, and no, it does not always have to cost many monies to treat someone. If you don’t understand how a treat or a surprise can involve minimum expenditure, you’re part or the problem, and are as shallow as the grave you should probably be sleeping in every night :-/
Their foul mood is always your fault
Boo-hoo you forgot to tell them you miss them or you have been acting too distant when you get home so they decide to also create distance between the two of you, and throw some nagging in the mix as well to make it interesting. They’re angry because you ignored them, they feel sad because you delayed bringing food to the table, they insulted you because you’ve been acting cold towards them etc etc; it never ends and it’s never their fault.
1- Walk away
Will there ever be a relationship problem for which I don’t prescribe walking away as the first solution? I don’t think so, but this is obviously often a luxury because it’s only for if you can do it and do not already have too much invested. Since I have come to realize that humans are for the most part daft as fk when it comes to relationships, if you actually came here seeking help for this specific situation, there’s an extreme chance that you cannot, in fact, walk away, so read the rest, I got you you nice but dumb mofo who’s a lot like me lol.
2- Talk to them
This is the most logical second step to take, or first step, depending on your mindset I guess, because you have to table the problem if you hope to get a solution at all. Let them know that what they’re doing is causing friction between the two of you so they need to stop the stupidity asap and grow up.
3- Get a good pair of earphones or earplugs
Depending on what time they do most of their nagging activities, and if talking to them does not work, get some earphones to change the sound or earplugs to shut it out altogether, obviously taking care not to seem rude lest they get n excuse to turn things physical. You do need some peace of mind at the end of the day, and if they don’t want to help you achieve it then help yourself.
4- Develop a hobby or learn a skill
Have something to do that will take your mind from the pressures of living with a nag while being subtle enough to keep tensions at a minimum. Teach yourself some time-passing activity that will help you relax with the noise in the background while remaining ‘professional’, for lack of a better word, so that you do not worsen the problem by actively aggravating the nag. It’s ok if they get themselves worked up from the knowledge that they don’t ruffle you, just don’t add to the issue by being rude or crass because that way you’re giving them more wood for their fire.
5- Try and learn their triggers
Because fore-warned is often fore-armed, and when you’re prepared you will have a much easier time deflecting their darkness than when they ambush you which gets worse over time as somehow you always know it’s coming and it never ends well. Seriously, go full Holmes and note changes in tone and behavior, as well as visual cues and body cues that signal the start of a nag session. Once you have a good idea of when they’re likely to go off, you will be better placed to come out unscathed in this silly war of wills that a nag always sets up.
A bonus tip is that you should not try to be passive aggressive about the problems you are facing and self-medicate at the nearest local pub. This is apt to get out of hand and spiral into dark depths that no relationship in this universe is worth; so make sure not to lose your mind when doves cry – it’s not the end of the world and it’s never that serious, if all else fails, see advice No. 1 above.
So there you go;not by any means a conclusive list, and that I may add to over time as I come up with better ways to survive a nag in a relationship, and brace yourself for the fury that follows when doves cry. Til next time, stay foxxy af!