They say that all is fair in love and in war but is it really? Is it fair, for instance, to take someone as a prisoner simply because they love you?
This post is about a major issue that I think does not get the airplay it deserves; when a woman is in a relationship with a guy that works extremely hard at keeping his woman out of the workplace, or even getting her out of it when she’s already in.
I have had my own perspective on this and I came to the conclusion that despite his well-meaning sentiments and words, any control-freak is very uncomfortable with the idea of his spouse being away from the house hustling or formally employed, so read on.
Below are five reasons which I have come to understand make some men shake in their boots when they hear their wives/girlfriends have gotten jobs. Do let me know what you think in the comments section.
Stuck In The Stone-age
In the past, men were the hunters while women were the gatherers, and since hunting guaranteed greater quantities and more variety of food, it followed that they were the main providers in any family unit.
As much as society has changed, some people refuse to budge from this ancient way, both men and women. The women will strive to fit this role by contributing nothing at all financially to the family and wait on the husband to provide , while the men in this mindset will believe that any marriageable woman must be willing to quit her job if she has one, or not look for one if she doesn’t.
While some such men will be sensible enough to find a woman who is willing to abide by this and let her know the terms from the get-go, there are those who foolishly find a woman who is a career-type, hide his intentions from her, and then try to coerce or bully her into changing to suit his purposes.
Such a man will not mind if his means of livelihood alone is not enough to sustain a family unit well and will insist that his woman sees his side of things all the while turning a blind eye to hers.
There are women who would love this, while there are others who would not, so it is in everyone’s best interests to talk about these expectations early on in the relationship and save hurt feelings in the end.
Men love to be in control, and it fits them, but sometimes they abuse this position that society has so generously provided for them and want to control the behaviors, needs, and even emotions of their spouses.
In this scenario, he will start with small and random non-issues which you should look out for such as asking you to stop dressing the way you dress despite it being decent and to drop your favorite pastimes in favor of the ones he wants.
Soon enough he will target your job, even if he has a lousy one or does not have one at all, coming up with silly reasons like he wants you to spend more time with him or something. The more you indulge him, the bolder he will get, and soon you may have to drop your friends and ignore your family in a bid to sate his psychotic appetite, which you never ever will.
In some cases, it is clear that he feels that you’ll would probably grow horns and wings and hit him then fly away lol, or whatever bizarre analogy, so every time you make an attempt to seek out work you may be met with ‘you’ll never get that job, you need to know someone on the inside’, and ‘will you be able to do that with your personality? It will be a headache for you’, and ‘stay home and take care of the kids first’, etc etc.
He may usually be very upbeat when you insist on going and come back unsuccessful and if you ask what is going on and confront him with ‘why is it that you don’t want me to get a job?’ he’ll respond with a host of vague reasons like ‘you will be really stressed out there’, ‘you will probably not earn enough for it to be worth it’, ‘you won’t bond with the kids’, and so on, and most of all, the subheading below:
A Better Man Than He Is To You Lurks Out There
This right here is psycho-fuel; he knows he treats you like crap, and so is sure that you will find a better man out there, so he wilfully keeps you away from any form of employment, or any reason you may have to interact with the outside world. Though it is hard to believe it, there are some men out there who treat their spouses badly but have no idea about it until they are told and some change while others don’t, and others yet can’t change.
This one, however, will not change. He wants you to stay put and receive what he gives you;all the bad treatment and abuse, and will guard you like a lion guards its food. He is totally capable of being a better man – the version of him that is seen by most of his friends and the women he cheats on you with, and will not hesitate to bring it up in an argument of you feeling unappreciated.
His strength is his deception and is also his greatest pride because he will ask you, ‘do you know how well everyone out there feels/thinks/sees that I treat you? There are those who envy your current position with me’. While this may be true, they envy an illusion, same way we thirst after those instagram posts of beach-side-chilling and fine-food-eating without knowing about the struggle that led there, or even exists there.
This kind of man will therefore be sure beyond the shadow of a doubt that a very good number of men at your workplace are his direct competition, and his juvenile ego cannot take losing you so while he will bask in the adoring presence of interns and office cleaners, he will not wish the same for you. His strategy involves not getting out of his comfort zone to be a better man for you, but getting you out of your comfort zone and on the edge trying to constantly appease him so you cannot see other men out there and realize you got a raw deal.
Most guys with esteem issues manage to get women in their lives with their need for validation and constant care, which is unfortunately mistakenly endearing for most females at first. Before you know anything is wrong you are knee-deep in quicksand and he won’t let go of you.
The first step a toxic guy will take is to bring you down to his level and then push you down lower so you end up beneath him; more damaged than he is, and needing him. One way to get your esteem down in the gutters is by taking you out of your job; hence you lose your colleagues and fall-back plan in the process because a broke person is generally more desperate than a financially liberated one.
It is not healthy for an active mind to stay at home, there are women who will thrive in this environment and there are others who will fail and if you are one of those who would rather keep busy, stay away from a guy who attempts to get you to leave work without a good reason because he will drain you and destroy you, then probably discard you after he has had his fun.
‘I cannot be with a woman who makes more than I do/is in a more successful career than me’; if I had a single coin for every time I have heard this, I would be the sultan of, well, coins. It is an open fact that power corrupts, but while this is true for some people, it is not true for everyone and women are no exception.
I have known some rich and powerful women who were complete and absolute garbage, for lack of a better description, but others are their opposite; humble and caring to those around them, and their spouses in particular. Now the problem is that some unfortunate men suffer from herd mentality and when they see or hear something said or done by one they consider an ‘alpha’, they repeat it and carry it on mindlessly without considering that there might be a different set of beliefs out there different from their own but which work nonetheless.
If your guy falls in this miserable category then Miss, you are straight outta luck because any pay rise you get in an ethical way will stir unrest in his heart, and if he gets laid off from work then he will expect you to do the sensible thing which is to quit in empathy, and so that he will not feel unduly threatened by you.
It does not matter if you are the most subdued female that ever lived; a man with esteem issues will always view you as a threat the second he learns that you have a salary that can support you so he will fight tooth and nail to keep you at home; broke and dependent on him for as long as he can.
This is pretty much all I have on this particular issue and so I am sure you all know what we should all be working extra hard at…… getting ourselves a damn job haha…. So until my next misadventure, stay foxxxy y’all!!