Hello there, and welcome back! In case you missed it, catch last time’s post over here, to know fifteen signs that the woman in your life is wasting your time. So, of late I’ve been thinking a lot about families splitting up and all the negativity that comes along with this. I wondered what exactly was the reason and came up with one, so here’s my piece on what I think is the role of alcohol and peer pressure in broken families. Let me know what you think about it: if there’s some truth or if I am growing into our paranoid mums over time, who swore that alcohol is the devil’s brew, literally, haha…..
In general terms, most people of dating age visit a pub, club, or bar every so often to dance and drink the night away, and this is the age group between 21 to 32 years, according to my random approximation and observation. Obviously, there are those that do not want any association with the brew, but those are possibly a small minority and I don’t personally know anyone of that kind, so I won’t really speak for them.
As for the rest of us, we drink our better years away until we settle down approximately at 25 years for girls, 27 for the guys and this age is going higher each minute it seems. Probably, we settle down because we start to get serious and comfortable in the relationship, then get a kid, or two. Now, here the trouble starts, because the guy has nothing at all stopping him from keeping up his drinking apart from his principal and this is apparently practically extinct nowadays, while the lady- either by choice or by design, has to stop.
So let’s say the guy goes out routinely every Friday and Saturday night with the boys. I am pretty sure to guess a wild, random, guess that somewhere along those drinking alleys, another lady is bound to catch his eye, men are after all visual and all that. With his wife growing fat, boring, and paranoid in the house while caring for their baby, it will honestly be plenty difficult to avoid ‘falling into temptation’, probably more than once, and then what happens to the young family at this point? A foundation of bitterness, a breakup, or worse, a homicide or suicide, or both.
Now, people settle down for all manner of reasons, from seeking companionship and getting kids to further their lineage, to trying to find their mother or father in their spouses or just because that’s what they see everyone else doing when they get to that age. So if you are not on the same page- if for instance, your boyfriend just wants an extension of his mother and the freebies and cleaning services you offer him while you want companionship and to raise your offspring together, things start to get out of hand. Because as soon as you have settled and your spouse is confident that you’re not going anywhere, then they will relax and reveal their true characters.
Let’s make a quick run back to the issue of alcohol though; let’s say your boyfriend (now pretty much husband) wants to keep going out to drink every other day like he’s a teen, while you feel you want to settle and take care of the family, things will get a bit lop-sided. This is because when he gets into the habit of choosing ‘his boys’ over his own children, then definitely the spouse will begin to resent him and pull away, maybe even get a sidekick to keep her busy and happy and all that. Not a good idea, but oh well…
Sometimes I feel as if I was brought up spoilt or something, because my dad was always home in time for the evening news, unless there was an urgent meeting or a business deal getting cut that kept him out late. Long story short, we knew where he was pretty much all the time, or at least had a very good idea, and no, it was never in some dingy bar four out of seven days of the week. Now, he did drink, and I’m not saying he never went out because he did go every now and then on a Saturday or maybe a random Sunday. So now when I see 36 to 40 year old fathers of four kids (and counting) staying in clubs partying every damn day, it really makes me sad and depressed; for them, the kids who they will never raise but will have to carry their names, and the wife who may or may not have to offer a believable explanation to her mother-in-law each time she tries calling her son (whom she swears never drinks) and he won’t pick up his phone. Obviously, telling her that he’s not picking your calls either and you don’t have a clue which bar he’s at this time will earn you the title of ‘being irresponsible with your family’ and probably an intervention or two, most probably with the son in question absent.
I think that this is the age at which you should be building your families’ foundation, not trying to chase fleeting youth for one last round. If you take away the alcohol and the sex (probably very low grade anyway) out of the equation, and you do not remain with anything besides the kids you had – whether shared hobbies, great conversations, or common milestones you are targeting, then what kind of situasionship is that? It’s honestly sad and pathetic, and all for what, a cold beer served by a nasty barmaid with a terrible attitude and a penchant for stealing from her customers? Because this staying out late every day with no good reason drives a wedge between your spouse and you; probably between you and your kids as well, and then people will wonder why no member of your family is crying at your funeral (if they are there in the first place). It’s because you’re a stranger to them: they never got to know you, nor you them.
It seems like most men in my generation want to grow old alone, telling stories while sipping a glass of some poison (if they still have functional livers, that is), reminiscing of what they had and the women they lost, and what great hunters they were back in the day, and I honestly feel sad for them. I feel more sad for their children because honestly, what kind of sons are they raising?
I’ve heard it said often that single mothers raise whussy, lazy, spoilt, and soft-handed girly boys who do not know how to be men, but is this really true, and is it the greater evil when compared to having a father who missed every one of your birthdays growing up; not while away on business but because he was out drinking with his fellow 38-to-50-year-old boys practically daily? And also, according to him ‘there are certain things that a man shouldn’t do’ and apparently any family event including attending their biological children’s parties is one of them? Not to mention the constant tired, regretful, and bitter look on their mothers faces, which when they grow up they can directly attribute to their dads?
I don’t know if I speak just for myself at this point, but something has got to give, because it hurts seeing a 40 year olds either gossiping with their ‘friends’ over a cup of something warm and tasteless, or trying to catch fleeting youth winding their not-so-narrow waists to the latest beat in town because with the kids away in school, there is no one in the houses they built that they can have an intimate and meaningful conversation with and reminisce of, say, how much richer the meat tasted fifteen years ago.
And all the while they know he’s in some pub drunk silly with a bunch
of much younger girls, laughing like a lunatic while he foots all their bills because he’s paid fees for this term and has no more use for his money.
But if alcohol may be a good enough substitute to the man in your life, then I suppose you may have to find a way to make your individual future warm for yourself, by yourself. Still, be kind and level-headed and let him know before you let him go.
Basically, if you are with a woman or a man right now that you cannot bear the thought of being stuck in the house with for a week or two with and internet and sex or any similar distractions are not an option, the advice that I would give to you would be to count your losses and walk away, because the future awaiting you two is honestly nothing to write home about. It’s actually nothing nice. Just darkness, bitterness, hatred, and regret., and I’ve seen it more often than I would have liked to, and it honestly gives me chest pains every single time. People need to be able to converse and find joy and meaning in their togetherness, otherwise it’s a waste of time.
Do you think I nailed the role of alcohol and peer pressure in broken families? Let me know in the comments below; and’Till next time, keep it light, and make good decisions.