The day of lovers, what a wonderful, warm, love-inspiring name…. if only we were a pair of normal people who did not respond to feelings of disconnection in our relationship by downloading tinder on our phones *sigh*. Welcome to today’s post though, read on, that you may be wiser where I was not, and that you may not fall in the same potholes I fell in….

The story begins when we have a mood fight at some point of the evening because I’m feeling unwell and don’t get the degree of pampering for the length of time I had envisioned and I end up feeling lonely, bored, restless, and alone.

 They were not wrong when they talked about an idle mind being the devil’s workshop, and in the wee hours of the night with sleep still some light years away from me, I get a bright idea. Pick up my phone, and try to resist at the last moment, opening pinterest to look at some crochet ideas in a small effort to occupy my mind. It doesn’t really work, the way nothing does when you have sex on your mind, so with a sigh, I open the play store, and start to type.

It seems the universe is plotting with me here, I get the suggestion just after the first letter and click on it, then click ‘install’ with a kind of anxious hope that my phone does not have enough memory but alas, I did get the extra RAM for moments like this, clever, silly me. At this point I am strangely starting to get sleepy but it’s too late now and there’s no turning back. So I log in, and get asked to confirm my phone number, but start to get taken round in circles because I didn’t pick the facebook option to log in, and I didn’t want to because *information theft*…..

I have to do this in the end though, and this worsens my already bad mood some more, but I am in, and I have messages, from my past chats, like a year and a half ago. I curiously go through them, stealthily creeping along not to trip any live wires that might be there, but only for a second. I loose the care in a snap and go through the messages, responding to some, ignoring others, swiping left and right on the main page, etc. I get a message and I am rather surprised, it is after all half past one in the morning, and I though it would take a while to get those old gears going. It’s a blast from the past, with a VERY randy message, one that makes me look over my shoulder in a mix of fear and childish glee.


Do I want to do this really?

I don’t feel too sure if this is what I wanted……….. So I respond in the positive and it’s on, but not for long. Seems my chat-mate is sleepy as he’s soon offline, I learn after I doze off myself and wake up to no responses. I get a brief vision of hastily undressing in the throes of passion just to fall asleep before any activities, barking dogs, ha.

Naturally, I awake with some difficulty at some minutes past eight and wonder if my indiscretion is still private…. The notification bar is alive with a million things; twitter, whatsapp, instagram, telegram, text, and of course, tinder. I carry the phone to the living room where he’s sat down, we pour the tea and pair it with some sweet potatoes that I regret buying; they are watery and stringy as hell but, well, whatever.

A child randomly yells outside, another screams, so I go outside to investigate but cannot come to any conclusion with no injuries in sight, I go back to my tea. We have some conversation about nothing in particular amidst sips of tea and screams of babies, and he asks if I will be so kind as to open the gate for him, I agree, and though I catch something there I am not too sure what it is so I release it.

He leaves, I finish my tea, then pick my phone up from the seat where I left it, and start to clear the notifications one by one, but there are no red flames from tinder any more….. I was sure there were about four when I woke up, or did I open the damn app before going out to look at the yelling kids? I can honestly not remember at all so I let it go, no point losing my mind over something I will know soon enough, one way or another.

Days pass and I guess he’s gotten as numb as me, or is playing some strange game so I think ok, I will wait it out and cross that bridge when I come to it…..