One day on some relationship (mis)adventure I arrived at the end of my tether and put all my cards on the table, letting my partner know that since he seemed to be unable to help himself around women, then I shall also not help myself around men and will consequently taste this forbidden fruit which he can’t get enough of. His response? ‘Let’s try an open relationship then and see how it goes’.
This roughly translated to me that he was ok being the philanderer each time and me forgiving him severally but if I was to become like him, he would now not wait for me to go out and get lucky while he chews on his fingernails all night long. So I said it was ok, whatever he wanted to do he could go ahead, but then we hit a speed bump because we were to lay down the rules and regulations for this undertaking, but he somehow never got the time to have the talk.
I figured he had developed cold feet and just could not bear the thought of taking what he had been dishing to me; even if the same was now opened to him.
Anyway, just to clear the air, I was not interested in being a ho and had said all of that in the heat of the moment because he continuously refused to acknowledge his wrong and stop repeating the same mistake over and over. His response did give me a sneak peak into our future together, where I saw tears in the short term and total darkness in the long term.
I got curious enough at this point about open relationships as I have heard some people getting into them, celebrity example singer Neyo and his spouse, and if it was anything to go by, the fact that she was always in tears and complaints while he was not, I realized that it was not going to be accepted by both parties concerned, even if both initially agreed to the laid down terms and conditions.
Here therefore is my article on everything I found out about these open relationships; read on and see if you would be interested in taking part in one…
First off, it is a form of polygamous union, and this is an umbrella term more or less because any given couple out there will have their own variations of what is ok and what is not; their own terms and conditions if you will. As long as you approach the situation ethically, the rest you can work out as you go along.
If you and your significant other choose to go down this road, you might as well try and make it work otherwise as ‘Rick from Rick and Morty’ would say you are planning to fail, which is even more stupid than regular planning haha…
So here’s some pointers on what to do to get it right:
1- Get to know about it by talking to people in similar undertakings be it online, or in real-life if you know some….
2-Decide what you both want, discuss, and agree about it.
3-Establish the guidelines and never overstep your boundaries.
4-Be ready to get flexible and realize the initial rules may need to change over time and nothing is written in stone.
5-Put extra effort into your communications and know that if you start to act out of feelings such as jealousy and anger, which are sure to develop over time, you will be shooting yourself in the foot.
6-Nothing is ever easy and this is no different so put a lot of energy into it, and work at it.
So far so good, right? Because as long as you can ‘legally’ have your 4 girlfriends and she has her two boyfriends then it is fair for both of you getting the supposed best of all worlds out there, right? Read on for a few of the things that can make this perceived ‘paradise’ to fail:
1-Jealousy and Insecurity are real, and you do not have to be the jealous type to get some feelings tangled when you are home alone while your significant other is snuggling up to some other person. Your reputation is also on the line due to a society that is generally not that sexually progressive, and you risk being outcasts of sorts.
2-All is, after all, not fair, because we all know that it is that much easier and faster for a woman who is actively searching to get the literal bang for her buck, especially in this no-strings-attached scenario, and a guy will have to put in more work to bed a new partner because contrary to popular belief, not that many women out there are willing to get it on with someone in a relationship, open though it may be.
3-STD’s and pregnancy are an obvious risk, and it is not right for me to put them together like this but let’s just ignore that. Common sense dictates that the probability of winding up with a disease gets higher the more people you sleep with, and don’t even get me started on the complications of the lady getting pregnant by someone else, or the guy impregnating someone else. What happens to your relationship then?
4-It is bound to get emotional at some point, even if neither of you develop feelings for a third party – which is honestly a reach by the way, there is still no guarantee that everyone else you are involved with will respect this and when feelings develop then a mess is also bound to ensue.
5-You are bound to spread yourself too thin because what happens when, for instance, two partners simultaneously need the presence of another one; how do you choose which one to save and which one to lose without creating unnecessary tension?
6-Self-esteem issues will crop up because we are all human and to some extent at least, want validation from someone important in our lives. When in a relationship, it will be all too easy to compare yourself with a third party in the same circles as us because our partner seems happier, more at ease, and generally ‘better’ while with them than while with you.
7-Finally, take all the issues that a normal monogamous relationship faces and put them in the mix because where two human beings are intimately involved there is definitely going to be friction; now multiply that by the number of people in the relationship with you. Issues like cheating are compunded by having no clear cut definitions and so on and so forth, so at the end is it really worth it?
A monogamous relationship takes a lot of work to get to work, so to speak, and a lot of people mistakenly feel that involving other people is the easy way out while it is not.
You will have to be ready to deal with more issues where there are more people involved and this generation of consumers and selfish people yelling ‘YOLO’ this is already tough to come by.
Last but not least, if you get into an open relationship your primary relationship will need to be the picture of health and stand the test of time because any small issues you had will be blown out of proportion by outsiders, so there you have it – ours would have been a disaster in waiting so in some ways I am glad it did not materialize.
Let me know in the comments what you think about this open relationship thing, and if you would get into one yourself, and let us have a healthy discussion.
Until next time, stay foxxy my ladies!!!